‘Twas the night before Christmas when all through the land
Not an affiliate was stirring, not even their mouse.
The campaigns were finished, managed with care,
In hopes Affiliate Santa would put money there.

Merchants and Networks were all snug in their beds
While visions of Valentines danced in their heads.
And Affiliates in Jim Jams with giant nightcap
Had just settled their brains for a promotional nap.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter
Sleepy affiliates rose to see what was the matter.
Off to their PC’s they flew in a flash.
Tore open windows, threw up Firefox.

The Boxing Day Sales lay glistening like new fallen snow
Reminding affiliates back to work they must go.
The discounts to their wondering eyes did appear
Delivered by minature sleigh and eight reindeer.

And who was the driver, so lively and quick?
They knew in a moment it must be St Nick.
Affiliate Santa, he was back again
After such a short break, they all screamed in pain!

“No Way!” they yelled, with voices loud and clear
“We’ve just slogged our guts out for most of the year!”
Dash away affiliate santa, there’ll be no work today
For Christmas is the day we all rest and play.

And then in a twinkling they heard on the roof
Affiliate Santa taking to the hoof.
They drew in their heads, shut Windows down
Settled in for a break in their dressing gowns.

As Santa sprang to his sleigh, to affiliates he gave a whistle
And off he flew leaving us about workload to grizzle
But I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he drove out of sight,
“Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!”

I hope you all have a wonderful break, and indulge in some well deserved festive cheer for at least a day or two!!!!

Kirsty xxxxx

You’ve found the perfect free theme for your latest WordPress blogging project… But wait!  Its got loads of spammy links in the footer, and they seem to be encrypted by some devious technical genius – what should you do?  Don’t delete that theme too soon… there is an easy solution.

As many of you will know, keeping those links in the footer of a WP blog can cause unpleasant issues, such as draining your hard-won link juice away from your site.

I was surprised to discover today that removing the carefully encrypted footer links is the work of about 2 minutes.  I’ll defer to the greater knowlege of the guys at the “Get Netted” blog, who created a brill tutorial with screenshots and easy to understand instructions.

Thanks to them, my brand new Solar powered products blog is looking just fab.  Cheers guys!

I know you all think that this post is going to be about Figleaves, but it’s not.  Despite the fact they do seem to have appointed Hannibal Lecter – the affiliate programme serial killer to look after their CPA marketing endeavours, that’s not actually the scariest thing that has happened to me this week.

Yes, hard as it may be to believe something has in fact shaken me more than the wholesale destruction of one of my best performing revenue streams.

Well, I can tell y’all are on the edge of your seats here… so I shall proceed with my sorry tale.

I was sitting working away at my general affiliate endeavours the other day.  Humming a happy little tune, and enjoying the view from my office window….

Now, although you can’t see it in this picture the office window overlooks my front door.  This is dead sneaky as it enables me to surprise parcel delivery men before they have the chance to pop the “Sorry You Were Out” slip underneath my door.  They really, really hate it

As I was sat industriously working away… a movement caught my eye.

They say that humans have a built in survival instinct, and I reckon it’s true… because what I was seeing out of the corner of my eye was this gorgeous wee chappie (or chappess in this case) dangling at face height right outside our front door.

*Caution – Those Of A Nervous Disposition Should Faint Now* – It’ll save you a bit of time later.

“WOOOAARRGGGHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

I remarked.

“Oh, for feck sake.  Not this again.”

Said Duncan.

“LOOKIT”

I said.

“WOOOAARRGGGHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Said Duncan.

“See, I told you so.”

I quipped, playing the smug wife card for all it was worth.

For those readers not recognising this beauty, it is a Redback Spider and from the same family as the Black Widow.  A wee bite from one of these beauties can see you rushing in a hospital-ward direction if they manage to envenomate you properly.

As card playing was working well for me, I then played the “Well, I’m not effing well dealing with it, that’s your department” card and left Duncan to venture out in a front doorward direction whilst I shouted instructions from behind the mesh screens that cover all of our house windows.

After we’d quickly looked up the “Redbacks and their Wily Ways” site we realised getting rid of them from a safe distance isn’t all that easy.  Most insecticides will not work because the unsporting buggers can hold their breath for several hours.  The only sure way to dispatch them is to knock them down, and then squish them.

And That’s Where The Horror Part Of The Story Lies…

In trying to knock it down, my Duncan discovered that Redbacks can move very, very quickly.  In short, it vanished like a little bit of arachnid poop off a teeny, tiny spider sized stick.

So now we know we have a deadly spider living with us…. BUT WE DON’T KNOW WHERE IT IS.

WOOOAARRGGGHHH!!

As always in affiliate marketing, its amazing how much difference a month can make.  Just a hop, skip, and jump of the calendar ago Duncan and I were just back from honeymoon and I was starting to worry that Christmas trade might never arrive. I was longing for all those UK shoppers to lose their sense of reason and melt those credit cards like always.

Realising I had a lot to do if I was going to fully capitalise on the Christmas affiliate joy  when / if it arrived in these credit crunchy, gloomy times I promptly started working furiously.  And that’s what I’ve been doing ever since.   I’ve been pulling 12 to 14 hour days since we got home.

I’m pleased to report that I clearly knew what I should do (which I doubted at times after 3 months off) because I’m having my best December ever.

“Woo  hoo!!!!!!”

Should be how I’m feeling, but like Joe Connor (who can’t “Barsed” with Christmas) and Lee McCoy (who’d really like to get some sleep) my satisfaction at another good year is tempered with a state of total knackerhood.  My own personal condition is also compounded with a distinctive lack of any festive spirit of my own whatsoever.

I have to say this is the first time I’ve ever felt like this.  In previous years, the endorphin rush of all that fabulous money arriving in my affiliate account has had me rocking around the office like a manic Noddy Holder shouting out “iiiitttsss Chhrriiiiissstttmmaaaaaaaasss!!” at random.

However, this year I imagine I’m joining a few other affiliates in wandering around uttering the odd “Bah Humbug!!”. Perhaps its been the stresses and strains of the uncertain sales climate.

I was at our local mall earlier today and Duncan tells me it was hell going to the festive shops with old Scrooge McCubbin here who was in a right old foul mood as soon as she caught sight of all the Christmas shoppers and tinsel.

I have no alternative but to diagnose myself with the dreaded “Affiliate Scrooge Syndrome” which is a little known psychologial disorder which eminates from over-preoccupation with other people’s Christmas shopping.

The Symptoms

• Total lack of desire to do any kind of Christmas shopping.  Duncan doesn’t know, but he’s getting a gift token for the petrol station this year.
• I’ve sent no Christmas cards whatsoever.  And I’m not gonna.  So there!
• I’ve started grinding my teeth in time to Christmas music.
• There’s a venomous spider in our Christmas tree and I’ve decided to leave it there because it is pleasingly ironic.

The Treatment

• I’ve been wondering if my lack of festive spirit is related to being in a tropical climate when I should be huddled indoors enjoying 3 hours of proper daylight every day.  So….
• Tonight I’m shutting all the doors and windows and setting my aircon to “Polar Winter”.
• I’m then going to build a cheery log fire.  Marshmallows will be roasted and flanelette jim jams will be worn.
• A double dose of Terry Pratchetts Hogfather Movie will be applied at top volume – Stat!
• I will operate the animatronic rudolph plushy toy my friends 3 year old gave me for Christmas and revel in its rendition of “Winter Wonderland”.  I will further marvel at the beautiful flashing lights atop each one of his cute little horns.

Merry Christmas to affiliates one and all! See, I’m trying

In yet another “never a dull moment at Google” development, they’ve decided that they will allow advertisers to promote hard alcohol in the US with plans to roll out to other countries in the coming weeks.  A few weeks ago they loosened the rules on beer also.  Of course, this has absolutely nothing to do with their ad revenues being down during these tough times. Not at all.  In fact, when Barry Schwartz of Search Engine Land asked Google what was behind the decision he was told its as a result of “advertiser feedback”.

Well, that’s alright then isn’t it? I’m quite relieved really I was just picturing Larry and Sergy down to their last billion, and the staff canteen at Google HQ running out of Fillet Mingnon.  Oh, the humanity!

One Proviso Though…

The new rules don’t allow for the direct promotion of hard alcohol. i.e. “Buy One Get Three Free on Vomitikov Vodka”.  Rather the relaxation allows you to highlight features of the alcohol.  So therefore you can only use Google ads to promote the “branding of alcohol”.

I Don’t Understand The Reasoning

Perhaps I am foolish and uninformed, but I can’t see the point of the half measure (boom boom).  If its the generation of alcoholics that they’re concerned about, alcohol branding will create them just as readily as letting them find a site which will actually sell them a drop of the hard stuff.   And why is beer now considered so much less of a damaging substance than spirits?  They should visit any UK high street at 3am to see exactly how wholesome beer is!!

And Finally…

Its NOT OK to sell spirits, but  It IS OK to sell naughty adult DVDs, access to porongraphic content and all sorts of other exotic goodies.

Which is actually the naughtier of the two?  I reckon that’s how you can tell its a company run by loads of men.

“Alcohol?  Ooohh, no.  We can’t have that.  People might get addicted to it.”

“Porn?  Totally harmless.  Chuck the ads up!!”

So have you been wondering where all the hot affiliate revenue action is this Christmas? Can’t work out where all them smug people on affiliate forums are getting thousands of sales a day from?

Fear Not There Is Still Time…

If your affiliate Mojo has been eluding you this year, or if you’re casting about for yet more amazing revenue opportunities the Christmas Affiliate Sleigh is still very much delivering the goodies to hard working affiliates all over the world.

For reasons I’m unclear about (I’m not a retail analyist, just a humble affiliate doing my best.) Mondays are always very strong during the Christmas season.  In the states last Monday retail analysts reported a 15% jump in online retail spending.  This made it the 2nd biggest online spending day ever behind the $881 million spent on December 10, 2007.  With another big shopping spree being forecast for Monday 8th December as shoppers go online to seek out Christmas discounts offered to keep the spending momentum going… you have the entire weekend to get ready for the onslaught.

There are also another 2 glorious Mondays before those last order dates kick in before the big man in the red suit arrives, and several hundred knackered affiliates finally get some sleep.

Arrgghhhh!!!!!!  But What Should I Promote?

Well, actually lots of retailers give you whopping great clues about the things that people are seeking out online this year.

Stateside, PriceGrabber.com published its top ten most searched for products on “Black Friday”: -

1. Nintendo Wii Console
2. Ugg Australia ‘Classic Short’ Boot
3. Sony BDP-S350 1080p Blu-Ray Disc Player
4. Samsung LN52A650 52″ LCD TV
5. Nintendo Wii Fit
6. Panasonic TH-42PX80U 42″ Plasma TV
7. Sennheiser HD 555 Headphones
8. Canon EOS Rebel XSi Black SLR Digital Camera Kit
9. Acer Aspire One AOA110-1295 Notebook
10. Canon PowerShot A590 IS Black Digital Camera

In the UK, Hitwise published data at the start of November highlighting which gadgets were going to be hot this year based on share of UK searches sending traffic to their Hot Consumer Electronics Custom category and Deloitte have a very informative Christmas retail survey (Page 17 tells you what people want in their stockings this festive season).

The Best Resource I’ve Found Was…

Good old Amazon.co.uk!  I only just realised recently that they collate the data on people’s wish lists and make it available in an attempt to assist with people’s online Christmas shopping efforts.  

This handy dandy little tool told me that…

People are really, really digging Dawn French’s Autobiography “Dear Fatty”.  It’s the second most wished for book behind JK Rowling’s Tales of the Beedle and The Bard.  Next up is Barak Obama’s tome, which should net him a nice little nestegg to set him up post-presidency.

Hot in Toys This Season is…

The silverlit PicooZ Helicopter!

Bop it Extreme 2

and the Radica 20Q Version 2

Even More Interestingly…

Lots of people are already getting organised and thinking about keeping their computer secure for the whole of next year. Norton Antivirus is the 3rd most wished for software item on their hotlist.

So what are you waiting for affiliates?  Get those revenues maximised and start planning next years mini sites and niche offerings.

Top Of My Christmas Wishlist?

Don’t laugh… but I recently watched it on a flight between Singapore and Brisbane and couldn’t get any sleep afterwards because I got all over-excited.  It was all I could do not to stand on my seat singing and clapping.  Of course, I do have a little bit of a thing for ABBA…

Have outfit will travel.  Who’s having an Abba themed Chrimbo night.  Anyone?  Please? Hello?!

Ho ho ho!!  Merry Christmas!!

Christmas Greetings fellow affiliates and affiliate fans.  I remembered about a little bit of code I formerly used quite frequently to let me dynamically add data on which keywords were converting to sale when using a single landing page for a broad keyword set.

Php Echos in a Nutshell…

Are an incredibly easy and quick to use way to pass a variable (such as a search term) into any part of a webpage you desire.  You can use it to pass data from your url directly into your affiliate link or to make your landing page look instantly relevant to the keyword your visitor searched on.

Clear As Mud?  Don’t Worry, Here’s a Quick Guide!

1. Getting Your Landing Page Ready

It’s very simple to get your landing page ready to work alongside the php code.  Just develop your page as normal and when you’re finished save it with a .php file extension.

2. Inserting Your Code

This is a straightforward cut and paste job.  Our small but perfectly formed insertion is the piece of code below:-

<?php echo $_GET['ref'];?>

All you have to do is paste that wherever you want to be able to dynamically change your page content.  For example, in an affiliate url thusly: -

http://clkuk.tradedoubler.com/click?p=0000&a=000000&g=000000&epi=<?php echo $_GET['ref'];?>

You can also put it in something like a page header element, or in anchor text.

3. Passing The Variable To Your Page

Sounds like the hard bit, but really it isn’t!  All you have to do is add a little bit onto your landing page URL and then stick in whatever data you want to be placed on the page.  Essentially, it enables you to create a unique URL for as many variables as you like whilst only using a single landing page.

Just add the code below to the end of your url:-

?&ref=

This creates a URL that looks something like this: -

http://www.yourlandingpage.com/index.php?&ref=Whatever The Hell You Want

You can see this in action at an old landing page of mine which still miraculously generates the odd commission for me, despite having been abandoned for 2 years: -

http://www.cheapdvdrentals.co.uk/index.php?&ref=HELLO AFFILIATE STUFF FANS

If you hover over any of the “Visit Site” links, you’ll see my affiliate links have whatever is added to the URL after “&ref=”

Use this in combination with my recent thoughts on concatenation, and you’ll be able to create a fully tracked PPC campaign in no time!

NB – There is a way to pass this variable through “cloaked” affiliate links, I found the code on my hard drive earler… it’s just something I never ended up using as I changed the way my business operated.  If anyone wants to add this to the post, please do leave a comment.

Got A Handy Tip You Want To Share?

If you have a time saving tip of any sort related to the wonderful world of computers which you’d like to share, please contact me.  I’ll gladly give anyone who sends something useful in a lovely backlink from the blog to say thanks!