*gasp* Shock horror murder polis! Yes folks it’s time for one of my rare negative posts! However, as the title suggests it does lend itself to a follow up post with 10 things I love about this industry so never fear, balance will be achieved in due course 😉
1. Affiliate managers who contact me dead keen to “work more closely with you and build a great relationship” and immediately ask “is there anything we can do to help you?” Upon taking delivery of my modest request for bestsellers info and regular contact re: new products I promptly never, ever hear from them again!
2. People who are rude / sarcastic to newbie affiliates on forums in situations where they really don’t need to be. What gives with that?
3. Merchants who re-jig their databases putting in place new cutting edge technology which will not only revolutionise your conversions but will break every single image and link you’ve ever previously created for them. They are then mysteriously unable to implement URL redirects and contact you wondering why your conversions have turned to poop and asking you to pull your jolly well socks up.
4. When you have to complete an online assault course and answer 5 fiendishly difficult riddles that’d make a sphinx go cross eyed and head on back home – just to get a deep link from a network (OK, I exaggerate but you know what I mean!)
5. Affiliate managers who schedule a conference call with you and then don’t listen to a word you are saying, constantly interrupting you to get their point over. Look, if you mean you want to schedule a monologue call with me – just send a tape recording and I’ll swear at it at a more convenient time for me!
6. People from outside the industry thinking I’m a pornographer when I say I market things online. I dread that knowing look and the “Ahh… I SEE.”
7. Still not being able to switch off from work sometimes. For all that I harp on about how fab it is only working 4 days a week, I often make up most of that time when I “nip on” to the PC for a wee while “just to check things out” on evenings and weekends and leave Dunc sitting wondering where the hell I’ve gotten to.
8. Little known fact: – Affiliate Marketing causes time dilation. Why else can I plan enough work in a single hour to last Duncan and I a bloody year?
9. The “I’ll make you rich if you buy my course for just $4,000” brigade. What a bunch of arseholes – they make us all look dishonest, rip off people who can least afford to lose money, and I for one sincerely wish painful bowel complaints and a host of embarrassing and smelly illnesses on the lot of them.
10. Meeting people at networking events who think I work for an agency. Because I own a pair of boobs.
11. Being so far away from all my affiliate pals 🙁
Yeah OK, I know that’s 11 but the last one is just a moan not a real “hate”.
Anyone got some other affiliate marketing grudges they might like to air?