Hello Folks, well I had hoped to still have time to chuck out some well reasoned blog posts when I was in the run up to my wedding.  Hah!  I’m sure those of you who have already taken the plunge will realise the delusional nature of that belief.

And I thought coming home was going to be fun?  Oh deary, deary me… it’s not been dull.

I have always been someone who suffers from stress, but this really is something else.  I have chest pains, I can’t concentrate, and although I haven’t yet lost my temper about anything it gets harder to maintain my composure each and every day!

So what’s going to set me off in the end?  It’ll be one of the following: -

• None of my carefully procured undies fit me. This has led to the discovery that I am now sporting a stupidly rare bra size after losing weight.  My beautiful lacy (and comfortable) bridal bra and knickers had to be replaced with the one bra in Debenhams that would fit.  Horrible?  Of course!  An instrument of torture in the comfort department?  You betcha!!  This is a bra more suited to a female Gestapo officer than a lovely bride.
• My wedding dress is a different colour to the one I tried on in the shop. It transpires this is a common thing to happen as the display dresses tend to get “warmer” in colour due to being touched a lot, tried on, and generally getting a little grubby.  Before I ordered it would have been the time to find that one out!
• My shoes don’t match my dress. This means I had to buy another pair (for the third time).  That brings my tally to 1 x pair hideously uncomfy, 1 x wrong colour, and a grand total of £95 on bloody shoes I’ll never wear.
• I’ve just been informed I can’t dance backwards in my wedding dress. What?  I can’t what?  How am I going to get out of people’s way?  How can we do our first dance??? What if someone takes me out to the dancefloor and knocks me over simply by trying to give me a bit of a twirl?  The dress shop told me you could get hoops to go underneath a wedding dress. Advised me one might make me look too short in my rather flouncy number. Did they tell me why it might be a good idea from a personal mobility point of view?  No!!!  Not until it was too late to rig something up so that a simple step backwards didn’t result in me being on Funnyest Home Videos for the next 15 chuffing years!!!!!
• It won’t stop raining - At this rate we will need to buy a small ark to ferry our guests between the lavvy and our marquee.  Please, please, please, can someone turn the water sprinkler system off in Scotland?!?!
• My hen night - I know absolutely nothing about this.  I don’t know where it is.  I don’t know who is coming.  Is not knowing fun?  Unfortunately, it isn’t.  It should be exciting, but alas the old stress levels are too high.  That said, just about anything will stress me out right now, so I’ll probably really enjoy it at the time.

Anyhoo, I’m going to stop my list right there.  I can assure you that is just the start.  The in-laws begin to arrive in the area from Monday on so more fun will ensue.

My only comfort?  My stress levels are teeny compared to those being shouldered by my dear old Scottish Mammy, who looks like she’ll need a triple bypass any day now.

So… Normal Service Will Resume…

After I’m back from honeymoon!

See you all then for me talking sense instead of all that bridal nonsense.

Cheerio for now folks.

xxx